So I went to the equality march in washington dc this past weekend and it was possibly the most exhilarating thing i've ever done. Everyone was so happy and loving and I love the feeling of friendship when you do a march. Everyone around you is fighting for the same cause..and everyone around you understands how you feel. i went with kimberly, my friend jake and holly. We were also celebrities with our signs..

But yeah I think there were about 300,000 people there this time. Lady Gaga was there and so was Miranda from sex and the city and both gave a speech. I was marching feet from the sex and the city girl without even knowing it too. We were interviewed by the washington post and usa today. We were also filmed to be broadcast on mtv. I had an amazing time and it was an amazing feeling to have my girlfriend by my side for this.

i woke up today really missing high school and philly.

this disease has ripped my body apart. i have no confidence.

March on the Capitol

On friday, at 12 , me and kimberly made a ..what was supposed to be 6 hour drive..instead made a 9 hour drive to washington d.c. where we spent the night and on September 12th marched from our hotel with her parents to the capitol and begun our 6 hour long protest of the government. While we were marching I got so many chills and learned a lot about what Obama's plans are actually turning into. We went to protest government spending and the new healthcare plan. What the new plan will do to me..who cannot afford my own insurance...and to everyone else..is atrocious. My political views have changed and I am no longer an Obama fan. I am also not a Mccain fan..for sure. There needs to be a new set of people to run for presidency. The march was one of the most intense things I have ever experienced and will always remember. There were over two million people protesting there, and I was one of them.

I told myself that I wouldn't update until I finished my classes for the week. So here I am. Here is my new schedule after readjusting:

CFS( Violence and Abuse in Families)- MW 12:45-205
COM 107( Intro to Communications)- MW 2:15- 3:35
-I also have a second part to this class...TH 3:30-4:50
CFE( Good Girls, Sluts, and Dykes)- MW 3:45-5:05
PSY (Psychology)- T 9:30-10:50 and a recitation 12:30-1:50
COM 200( Communications/ Studio class) -T TH 11- 12:20 and the studio is W 6-9
QSX (Sociology in Lgbt)- T TH 2-3:20

So far so good. i am going to have a lottttt of work this semester and a lot of reading to do. But it's time I start using my credit hours seriously. I really like my classes after having them more than once. I actually really like my COM 200 classes and find them a lot more useful than the VPA studios. They are more structured and it;s because the New House school is more business oriented. But anyway..now I have a 4 day weekend..and 3/4 of it will be spent doing all of the reading for this upcoming week.

Also, so far living with kimberly has been going pretty well..I really like how are room is set up and I really like falling asleep next to her. :)

first weekend parties :pretty fun actually
classes start today and I am relatively excited i'd say.
i forgot a box of shit at my dads including : my detergent/sewing kit/ other random things/ and all my lamps :(..gotta get em in october i guess.

not a good second night at school. i wish i could redo that one moment.

Completely unpacked and stuff..last night i went to dinner for a friends birthday at pastabilities..and it was realllllly good..after wards i stopped off to see my friend holly and ex roommate kristyn and realized how much i actually missed everybody. Picked up the stuff kristyn was holding and then went to a party in the "butt house" for her birthday/catching up and I hada pretty good time. This year is starting off pretty well.




ps this is what kimberly got me for my 6 months :)

i'm here.
3/4 of the way moved in.
next o kimberly.
excited for the year.

leaving for school now.
didn't get to say goodbye to my dad because he went to work.
my brother wouldn't wake up to say goodbye.
maybe my grandparents will actually care that i'm leaving again.

7 hours ill be on the road

i go back to school tomorrow...in exactly 24 hours i will be back on campus...now that it's here..and i've wanted to go back for this entire month..idk..where did this summer go? i didn't see everyone here NEARLY enough..and i'm sad to go..but i am ready for a new year full of exciting experiences and hoping this year will top the last..and if it does then i am going to have an amazing year.

i don't hold grudges very long..it's just not my personality. I haven't talked to my dad in over a week. And I got really sad today. Because I am really going to miss him and will probably leave uncer the same-non speaking- conditions.

so the next 3 days are overwhelmingly packed..i shouldn't have waited til the last minute for most of it

tomorrow(sunday)
-get up early..get boxes..start packing stuff to put in storage
-bbq at my grandmoms at 230
-get my oil changed/tuneup
-mom dye my hair
-whitey's party if i can make it

monday
-pack all of stuff to put in storage
-put it in storage
-get ink..other random school items..and order prints to put in my room
-picnic/tan with jessie in the afternoon after dropping off stuff to storage
-pack stuff i'm taking with
-go up theresa's..last sleepover/last night to see all the girls

tuesday
-breakfast with the girls in the morning
-dinner with lisa
-clean and wash my car
-pack everything else/ pack up my car
-wash laundry/comforter and sheets
-do anything else that has to be done before i leave/see anyone else


phew.

4

Syracuse- 5 days. Can't wait. Freedom. 'Cuse friends. No family. Xbar. Class. most of all Mine<3

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

So starting September 1st I am going to begin something I wanna call the Sky Project. I am going to photograph the sky twice a day for 365 days. I am just curious to understand the skies differences throughout an entire year.

Today I had my like last surgeon followup..and he said the hole is so shallow now that it doesn't need packing anymore. Thank god perfect timing for school. He said it will close on it's own and Oct 2nd I go in for a scope/dye test and to schedule the takedown..if everything looks good during those tests..which I am certain it will.

Syracuse-7 1/4 days

when i leave for school this year i won't be coming back to see anyone in my family except my grandparents..aunts/uncle and cousins

fuck you mom
fuck you dad
fuck you lis
and fuck anyone else who sits there and makes me feel like shit for being myself
i am so much bigger than all of you fuckfaces

as lame as this summer was i managed to do alot..but for some reason i was still at home 80% of the time?

- had surgery in may..plus recovery took all of may
-my babygirl came to visit in june :) :p and we went to nyc and saw a broadwayyy
-ummm what did i do in june besides that? idk lol
-visited mine in texas..had probably the most amazing week of my summer there
-had my wisdom teeth out
-got my car!
-went down the shore with the fam
-a few clubs..a few random get togethers with friends..not bad?

ohhh and i decided finally the tattoo i want to get on my hip bone when i get the bag off !



i've been really into this thing i found called zibu..it's the angelic language of symbols and the symbol i want to get is the symbol for optimal health and wellbeing..and it's said that the symbol will draw the power of healing into you..so i think it is only appropriate after the past 5 years of shit i've been through..not to mention i think it's really pretty :)

wow...

So every day my dad goes into the bathroom..minimum of 25 times..noone shits that much..and me and my brother aren't fucking 5 and retarded. so today..after awaiting my turn for the bathroom..i enter..smelling the usual..burnt plastic with a hint of air freshener. After he leaves I text him and this is how the conversation proceeds...

Me-" You must think we're stupid, dad."
Dad-" If I want your opinion i'll ask for it! When you start paying rent then you can have an opinion. Until then, SHUT UP!"
(I was quite flabbergasted at such a reaction btw)
Me-" Go get help."
Dad-"You go get help! I consider lesbianism a mental illness!"
Me-" You asked me in the car before how proud i'd feel to have a gay dad. One who "takes it in the ass and swallows cum." But how proud do you think I am to have a crackhead dad instead?"
Dad-" I aint proud of you at all youre a degenerate having sex with girls."

goals for this year

-become a littlelot more outgoing
-make at least 10 new friends..good friends
-maintain at least a 3.5
-figure out what the hell i really want to major in
-look into internships/studying abroad fall or spring of junior year

school 12 days.

Lisa :just go back out with dudes cuz i dont take you seriously when i see you with girls. your a joke its embarrassing that my family has to ask me if u go out with girls
Alicia Aiello :na im good
Alicia Aiello :and i dont give a fuck if your embarrassed
Lisa :no one likes it not even ur fam..get over ur fase and be normal. its embarrasing


HAHAHAHAHAHA.

my godfather died today.

4:15.

so numb.

and i didn't even get to say goodbye and thank him for all his support ,love,visits, and prayers when i was sick.

you are where you belong now :)
r.i.p.

i had to redo my schedule..and my monday night class is still pending so thats why it's red..because there are two that run into each other..one is an addiction class which sounds really interesting and its only once a week..and one is a studio class like i've been taking all last year..but i always love my studio classes so much and with my major change i don't really wanna give them up..but i could always take it next semester..we'll see..there is also one class that gets manually added by the dean on the 30th so thats why it's not there..its my communication intro class..i have it mondays and wednesdays 2:15-3:35..so squish it into my schedule and you'll see...and there is a lecture for it thursdays 3:30-4:50 so basically monday is my busiest with 4 classes that day and only 2 on all the other days..and wednesday..thursday..and friday are chillinnnnnnnnnnn..i like the classes i have though..i still have good girls sluts and dykes..which is a women's study sort of class..psych intro which i need to take all the other fun looking psych classes..a class on abuse and violence..my com class..the studio/or addictions class and a class studying sociology in lgbt..all of my classes are basically a study on people..hmm what major can you build with that?..fullll schedule..i hope i do not die

i def thought i made the deans list this semester..but im definitely salty...3.3...
idk how a's and b's can make it 3.3 but first semester a's b's and a c' made it 3.47. oh well.

i know everyones opinion and i know what everyone thinks i should do but i'm a believer in second chances and third strike outs.

you give your entire heart..and your everything to someone and it is STILL not enough and they STILL don't appreciate it.

and it kind of feels like i'm suffocating in my own thoughts.
and now my angry and tough wall is breaking down and i'm just sad and lonely.
and i just need to eat and breathe and keep myself busy. although its not working.

and for once i did what's best for me.

let go.

this doesn't make me feel comfortable..at all.
and i don't want to "box her in"
but this doesn't make me feel happy.
and i feel like..bleh.

and since it's not okay to talk about what i think to you i will talk to myself here.

are you trying to build a friendship with him to eventually get back with him?
why be friends with a kid you "wanted nothing to do with" before?
and who treated you like shit?
why does my opinion not matter enough anymore?
how many times do i have to cry for you to understand how much stuff like this hurts?
what am i doing wrong?
and why do you freak out every time i just simply ask for reassurance? sorry that i need alot of it..its just hard to be so easy going about something that makes your heart stop.

you put us in this box..and now when i'm happy here you tell me you don't really wanna be boxed in with me anymore.

i am so a jumble of emotions..i don't think i could cry anymore this week.
i hate the feeling of feeling like i mean the world to feeling very insignificant.
and i hope this feeling goes away soon and i hope that you realize how much i mean to you when we are face to face again.
because until then i don't know if you will realize it. i am hoping that everything will fall into place. i also hope (hope hope hope obama?! jk lol) that if i ease up and don't latch on as tightly and do my own thing as well that you won't lose interest in me. and you can't force fate obviously..but i do know what i felt with you when i was with you. and theres picture proof that you felt it too. god how gay can i get ..really? lol

i just hope that i am overreacting.


because i know how happy i was here...




and i wanna feel like i'm this girls everything again.

i am not freaking out...or getting upset ..i am taking it as it comes.
i believe the things she says. i believe that she only wants friendship. i argued that way in the beginning with the people i blocked. but its been so long so why now?

i am crazy in love. and i just want to know its mutual and i am not driving myself crazy. i want to know that if i keep going through the motions and calming down and accepting things..that it will be worth it and that she does love me as much as she says.
love is so blinding.

she wants to be friends with her ex.

she thinks it was wrong that way back in the beginning we had to block people from our lives.

and i am free to do what i want?

i don't know how to take it. good or bad. probably good because my friends were always so confused as to why i had to block anyone if i was committed and devoted.

so it's good?

idk.

bad conversation to have on your period..thats for sure.

I can't wait to be surrounded by so many people again soon. No time to feel lonely. This summer has made me realize how many friends i've lost touch with since college and how many friendships I feel like i'm struggling to hold onto. Sorry. My vagina is gushing blood and I am having a very depressed day.

SU IN 28 DAYS!...i wanna go back so bad(ly)!

i am sososososos happy that shes going back to SU..sososososo happy..and i think ive figured out how to stay at SU too..just alottttmore of a burden because now i will be indebted to the school..and with that interest rate i don't even wanna knowwww what i'll be paying back..

shes coming back

and im back to scrounging money to go back to school..bleh

semi hopeful..we'll see.

in other news i am awaiting approval from syracuse's head financial dept. to give me the rest/more money..fingers crossed!

i don't think she's coming back to syracuse

and i am beyond BEYOND hysterical.

so i was supposed to get my car today..but ..fail..my mom lost her wallet on the way over with her license in it..so she couldnt get my car or the insurance for it..tomorrow she has to get a replacement..and then we can go get it..i also am getting my wisdom teeth out in the morning..but anywho..wanna see pictures of my car? do ya? do ya?













i also called Syracuse today..and they gave me 5000 more in grants for the year..and i emailed again for the remainder and am waiting for my financial aid counselor to find another option for me..maybe one more grant..either way its still looking good..and i am very very happy

Trip to Texas

This will probably be a very big update because I had a very happy and eventful week :)

I took my first plane ride ever! takeoff was exciting and clouds aren't as exciting as I thought they would be..except when you can see the shadow of the plane on them..anyways..i got to dallas around 11:25 to see my babycakes waiting for me..and she took me to go meet her mom and stepdad..i was very intimidated..plus..i'm shy..after that we went to her dad's to drop my stuff off and relax until going to eat with her parents and see fireworks for the fourth of july..the food was really good..i tried brisket? new favorite meat..and the fireworks were also very very pretty..we went home passed out..and the next day..she slept forever so i creeped around by myself for awhile and then we went to i hop..home to nap and then food shopping..monday we laid out by the pool..i met her dad and then we went to a really nice dinner again with her parents to a place called Del Frisco's where I had like the best baked potato and steak I ever ate in my life...then we went home and passed out again..tuesday we went to the aquarium which was alot of fun..back home and laid out..and relaxed..wednesday was our 4 months :) and we went to 6 flags and i rode the most intense roller coaster of my life..i've never been to 6 flags before last wednesday but i loved it..even though texas was 105+ all freaking week and i like died every time the sun touched me..then thursday we went to eat dinner with her grandparents..ribs!!!..so good..they were the cutest people alive..we also laid out that day..friday we went to hurricane harbor with her cousins from maryland..that was also really fun..we came back relaxed ate dinner and she showed me how to embroider on her sewing machine before i fell asleep..saturday we went out to breakfast and the pancake house..and then went with her cousins to the wax museum and ripleys believe it or not ..loved that..then we dropped them off went to see her cats..they are sososo pretty..went to eat at the purple cow ..favorite /cutest restaurant ever..she got me a shirt from there..:)..we went and said good bye to her cousins and i to her parents..etcetc..and we went back home baked cookies and slept..the last night :(..next day we woke up and made waffles and laid out..saved babybabybaby bunnies..but all but one passed before the humane society people came :(..then we got sonic..and it was yet another very sad/tearful goodbye..and i just miss being with her so much it hurts already :(

other things we did..saw all the BIG buildings..stopped by to see some of her work friends at this bar..saw george bushes house..which was really lame and ugly..had lunch at this place called neuhaus..i forgot to mention it up there..saw my sisters keeper and bruno..my sisters keeper was very sad..we bawled the entire time..and bruno was fucking disgusting..but funny..and offensive..we went to addison also..which is a very pretty place with very pretty fountains..and got fried ice cream..strangest thing i ever had..it was really good though..they set it on fire in front of you..mmm..umm..sex..mmmmmm..we drove alotlotlot..we stopped by her work and swam in her moms pool...we just did alot..i can't even remember every detail..ohhh for 4 months..which i always get ready to say 8 months because it feels like its been 8 months..she got me this cute bear with a texas rangers shirt on it :)...ohh we also baked blueberry muffins for breakfast one morning..and they were sooo good..ohhhhh and saturday we also went to get manicures and pedicures..and the salon did this spa thing ..best feeling ive ever felt..we also visited her parents office..her old house..and went to get these snow cone things that were like amazing..and i also cooked her dinner for our 4 months..ahhh..i just want to go back..i feel so weird without her around after being with her 24/7 for a week :/..hopefully i get to see her soon..i cant wait until school

14 hours!

once again i am screwed over and overwhelmed about being able to go to back to SU in august. not having money fucking sucks..not having credit fucking sucks..not having parents with good credit who can cosign a loan fucking sucks..i don't want to have to stress over this shit again..i can't take it

oh yeah...i got into newhouse and am now a film AND psych major..yes?

theresas back!
i go see mine in 3 days :)
finding a car thats not shit = fail
summer09

carcarcarcarcar

i'm hoping to get a car this week..then i need a job of some sort that is VERY flexible because i have like 3 1/2 full weeks of things going on that i wouldnt be able to work for so basically..getting any job is pointless? but i am SOSOSOSO bored in the meantime..and being so bored has caused me to realize that sleeping entire days away is not that hard. So here sums up my summer...

JUNE/JULY
this weekend-tbates!
following week-tbates/dr stein appt
4th-12th- my babyyyy :)
15th-wisdom teeth out :(
26th-2nd- shore with the family
AUG
5th-9th- kimberly comes again :)
21st-28th(probably earlier)- mountains
and back to school.

there really isn't much time for work in between this i am now seeing. pfft.

why. is. getting. a car. so. fucking. difficult?! i have the money. now gimme a car. i feel like stranded. so annoying. i just want a car!

i am so bored with this summer.

"it's not the fact that she is a lesbian. Its that I don't even like her that much as a person she is nasty." -dad
"wtf?!"- me
"oops"- dad

he accidentally sent me this text this morning. so my dad shit talks me to whoever he was texting. thats cool.

thought the first time hurt..wrong.

never ever again.

i just feel like this is continuing to fall apart..and idk how to hold it together much longer

this summer fucking blows..i am soooooooosososo not coming back next summer..i feel like i have not one friend here anymore (til theresa comes back of course)..i need to get the fuck out of this house..everyone fucking flakes on me..shits pissing me off and making me depressed

that week went way too fast..miss her already :( one month countdown begins

1 day! :)

so i went to the doctor today..and its not as bad as i jumped to..i tend to over think and freak myself out whatev..he said part of the stitches opened up and made a little hole..so he took them all out and now its one open part that will supposedly heal..he said the part inside that matters is healing right..and if the inside heals from the inside out and not in little bridges it'll all work out ..the fistula will be gone and ill get the bag off in 6 weeks..so now i have to chill out and let it heal

my babyyyy comes in 3 days :)..even though i cant do all the things i originally planned now i'm still very very excited

oh but you know what brightens up my spirits and gives me a giggle? reading my old xanga from the first day i made it..its funny how ridiculous some of the shit i used to say was..i ended every post in "p3ac3 y0..if you lucky teehee"..um?

i'm not doing so good..the wound is now infected and opened up wider..i feel like there is drainage coming through to my vag again..meaning the surgery failed..this was my last fucking option before i have this stupid bag for the rest of my life..if it doesn't work..i can't do this anymore

i don't want to do this ever again. no more relationships. i'm just gonna go become a slut.

i just want this shit to heal so i can go out and don't have to wait for the nurse everyday before i can go anywhere..fucking ugh

So it's been a week of boring depressing nothingness.but my life finally picks up tomorrow and i'm busy ish for the next 3 weeks..thank god..i know i need to heal but being in this stupid apartment makes me want to vomit..so i think the surgery worked or whatever? i don't really know..all i know is apparently my vaginas gonna be pretty fucked up for awhile..no sex for meeee :(

10 dayssssss :)

my dad told me yesterday that the most pathetic thing is two old gay men..ha no dad the most pathetic thing is a 52 year old smoking crack on a paint bucket in his living room..no this post wont be about gay men...last night around 1130 i went to the kitchen to get a drink..only to notice that my dad wasn't asleep like he usually is.and our kitchen is built so theres a wall you have to peer around to see the rest of the living room..so i'm half asleep but i peer around and sure enough he was doing something over there..so he see's me..runs and hides it and goes and sits on the couch..i walk over to the entertainment center and look around asking "wat the fuck were you just doing?" while his eyes are as a big as the fucking sky and he's like "nothin nothin nothin",,no dad i'm not 19 and know what drugs are yet..so i can't find whatever device he was smoking out of but sure enough behind my fish bowl is a spoon with white residue on top and a burnt ass bottom..so i turned around called him a pathetic hippocrit..ran to my room..and called my mom..i was shaking crying hysterically..i just want to be on my own..i am soooo not coming back next summer..i'll take summer classes at my school..can't believe this shit..then i leave and sleep at my moms..fucking irritated because brads there shittalkin..and my dad texts me in the morning "if your gonna cause me problems because of this you will have to leave"..last time i checked you were the one doing crack..or coke..or whatever in our living room

so i'm stlll recorvering..who knew your butt could hurt for this long..idk how you gay guys do it with yer butt sex and all..harhar..anyway yeah i really want to not have to lay around all day..boringboring i wanna go out and be summery..in two weeks..kimberly comes :)...it'll have been a month then since i last saw her..oh my babydoll..anyway..this is pointless..so..bye

nerve damage in my vagina? can't feel one whole side including my clit? cool. thanks dr stein.

so surgery monday..woke up..alot of pain..next day everything was pulled out..wednesday i went home..i didn't realize how fast adult hospitals try to get you the hell out of there..i can finally sit up thouh..and my pains only like a 3..so yeah..and my kimberly comes in 2 weeks :)..i have a home care nurse come and like pack my ass every morning..hopefully this is done before she comes..awkwarddd..lol..im excited..oh and the rest of my grades are uppp

so..two months was two days ago :)..kinda 3 months really..but actually 2..idk its whatev..i wish i could see her thoughhhh :/ oh wells few weeks..more than a few..blah..tomorrow i am having surgery..again..i want to go back and re read all the posts in this and my xanaga where i say i'm going to have surgery..because..i feel like a broken record..the more years this stuff goes on for..the less and less i look forward to be ing in the hospital..i used to enjoy it..but i hate hahnemann..it's fucking all old people and cold nurses who leave me alone for hourssssss..i mean yeah thatsa good thing but it's just very lonely there and i miss the childrens hospital..i wish my surgeon was there or i would never have had to leave :(..wish me luckkk

grades so far..some veryyyy unexpected

A in studio
B+ in vid sketchbook
B in SOON MI?!?!?!?...after she ripped us up and gave us horrible grades for the entire semester and i was soooo banking on a C- at LEAST..and we both get B's? I def shouldn't be complaining..thank fucking god..for colloquim i'm assuming an A and for writing and A or B+ so i''l be on the Deans List again :) and will hopefully get into newhouse

sooo..to sum up the past 3 days..traveled for 18 hours straight to get back to school for a film review where the department heads of our department critiqued our final films..that was so painful to go through..we were ripped uppp and then sort of given a break and then thrown under the bus by our teacher who wasnt even supposed to speak..asshole..but yeah left around 2 ..drove back to boston..had dinner with jakes family..they are sooo nice and the accents hahaha..then we went to the ice cream place he works came back and chillaxed..got up at 7 back on the bus..and now im on the nyc bus and ill be home in 2 hours.. i cant wait to just relax

so one of these is going to be mineeeee :)..going to see them this weekend..i'm thinkin the silver one

anddd i'm home..today was so shfghdfhfd...woke up at 8 to spend the last 2 hours with her/ help her get her stuff to go to the airport..we went to the airport and both cried cried cried..that was probably the hardest goodbye i've ever had to say :(..i had to rush back to my gparents..apck up the car..which was a funny joke..it was packed to the max..long boring ride..got home unpacked..did my massive load of laundry..and now i'm fucking bored..i need mine..in my arms right now..and to like be back at school..or a job..this is going to be a very boring summer...i can feel it already..i have 9 days until my surgery..and healing time..so that kills may..then still boredom til theresa gets her butt back here!..and umm yeah..i had alot more to say earlier

so i leave tomorrow at 1230..god i am so idk about it..i'm not ready to go and i feel like its going t obe hard to be able to come back..i'd absolutely die though if that happened..so i'm going to sum up freshman year

came and was miserable missing my ex
became slightly adjusted..still miserable
broke up..even more miserable..missing my friends
got over it and realized how much better college was not being so caught up with someone else
started partying..realized how much more fun college was
partying became overrated
break
partying..gay bar..funfun
met a girl
fell in love
will be missing her terribly for 4 months

I will be home in 7 days!

schedule for the week:

today= TROM!(transmedia prom) editing my video/writing my 10 page english paper/finding boxes to pack in/clean my room+fishbowl
tomorrow=filming with ryan/finishing up my paper/start packing?
monday=present final video/paper/pack/study for emily duke final
tuesday=emily dukes final
wednesday=hour long final video review/packing/redo various videos for sound/image class
thursday=syracuse film festival/finishing the paper/packpackpack
friday=mall/dinner/packpackpack
saturday=home for the summer

updateeeee

so i haven't written in awhile and i'm supposed to be working on my ten page paper due like next thursday or some shit but whatevsssss..so school is over...no my first year of COLLEGE is over in 9 days..and i feel so strange about it..we won't be freshman babies next year..we won't be given the excuse of "oh but your still a freshman"..now it's time to start actually getting to work..i'm really going to miss kimberly..a lot..i definitely feel more for her than i did leigh..and it's because of a lot of things..i just never wanna let her go..and as much as i said i won't let myself let love take over again..it is..and i'm not going to try and subdue it..because we only live once..and it's an amazing feeling..i did not think i'd find anyone this year...or be in a serious relationship again..but i am and i couldn't be happier..although this summer is going to suck..i'll get to see her twice for a little while..and i know that because of how much i love her it won't change over such a long break...

my computers back at the place to be fixed..so i've been computer less and i'm trying to catch up on things..and i have alotttt of schoolwork to get done this week because next tuesday is the last day of classes..

tomorrow- installation art
thursday- final/ hand in papers
friday- film final for video sketchbook
saturday/sunday- edit final video/work on 10 page paper
monday- present final film
tuesday-colloquim final exam/hand in 10 page paper draft
wednesday-video sketchbook hour review/finish 10 page paper
friday-hand in 10 page paper/ other papers

and i also have to pack all week and get everything situated for going home

i really miss my friends from philly..i miss theresa and margaret and molly and lisa and sitting in starbucks and talking for hours and just being with them..granted i LVOE my new friend here..but theres still my tie with them thats much different and i miss it

today was mayfest..which means no school and a big drunken party all day all over campus..it was dun..big like bbq everywhere..such a nice day too but now its back to syracuse cold blah

i had alot more to say when i sat down and started typing..ill write more later i suppose

sometimes i wonder if i'd be happier if my senior year was not how it was..with who it was with

i got a bathing sUit finally! that will cover stewart and its still not entirely a one piece so i wont feel completely gdsgdfh..it's cUte..anddd was marked down to 15 from 46..win! pictUre later

i am in love. i am.

i edited my schedUle again and now i am also taking forensic science =) and i am probably gonna drop biology..bUt i'm excited for the majority of my classes

This is my schedule as if I actually get into Newhouse… plus com107 which I have to email the teacher to get into still... because it's being stupid...if I don't i'll be stuck in all VPA classes again which I feel like will get me nowhere..so there it is
I am taking psych, biology, one digital film studio class as opposed to the 4 that are required, intro to communications, queer sexuality- gender in sociology, and a humanities class called ' good girls , sluts, and dykes' which I think sounds interesting..so yeah..class scheduling is frustrating!
;

so sometimes i get this feeling and hear an overwhelming voice in my head
it kind of makes me nervoUs
i talked to my dad aboUT it and he gave me a really weird look and says that happens to him too and to ignore it.

(elbaration for theresa)
it's like dark and really deep and i can never make oUT the words or if it's jUst reiterating my thoUGhts to me. kind of demonic idk. i mention it to few becaUse even to myself i soUnd crazy.

got my compUter back alot earlier than expected bUt they fUcked Up < like that the wiring and some of my keys don't work or make retarded symbols so I have to send it back oUT < and that
;
;5 days til oneeeU! < and that
;
;oh and these semi colons on the side so yeahhhh..im sick with like the flU/something bUt i feel like Utter shittttttttttt and need to catch Up on some work whatevs i wanted to Update longer bUt i lot my thoUGhts
;
;oh yeah jUst realized that becaUse all my passwords have fUcking U in them...LOWER CASED i can't login to anything..lovely

so i broke my computer..spilled nailpolish on it and decided it was okay to like clean it with a lottttttttttttt of nailpolish rmeover that seeped into my computer and when i woke up to turn it on the next day..it was broken..so had t oship it out to like osme place in new england and now i am computerless for two weeks..meanwhile i have like a billion film projects to edit and papers to write but whatevs i'm not even stressin..i do realize however how bored i am without it ..oh my life

10 days til one month :) lolz

i wish she was mushier..i guess its harder getting used to new people..i forget sometimes that the things i used to say won't receive the same reaction..its okay though.. cause shes still mineminemine :)

oh yeahhh..so we finished filming our final film todayyy..turned in our montage/soundscape thursday..my performance art and video smackdown things not due til next week now..and etcetc blahblahblahhh one month til schools over!.. 1 month and some cents til my surgery..2 months til she visits :) / my birthday andd yeahhhh

okay so thank god some of the stressful things of this week are over

-did the in camera edit/ shipped it out
-booklet is basically done
-figured out what e have to do for our soundscape ..just need to do it by thursday


everything that is the most stressful is so generously..not,..squeezed into this weekend
-final film
-performance art(should be easy when i get a concept)
-video smackdown? my teachers a dork..but basically i am making a movie and competing against someone in my class and being judged to see whose is better..the topic i pulled from the hat was "redo someone elses film" so idk whose i will do yet but should be interesting

okay instead of making a long list of to do's i need to calender-itize it?

today/tomorrow- somehow film the in camera edit..if not..film throughout week and ship out by wednesday
tomorrow-performance art maybe? even though she gave me an extra week
monday-work with my english group/ finish my english booklet/ work on the soundscape and montage
tuesday-work on the montage/ come up with installation art idea
wednesday-finialize english booklet/ practice presentation
thursday-sunday- final film stuff and ship out rush ordered by monday
following week- redo letter ending/performance art..if i don't do it this weekend


breathe.

i have never been more overwhelmed in my entire fucking life. i THOUGHT i was last semester but nope. so this weekend i have to

-take a lighting workshop since we fucked up our entire last in camera edit
-LUG 2 lightings kits from the art building to our dorms..that thought alone makes me want to cry
-:shoot a new in camera edit..indoors and outdoors...not a concept in sight yet
-shoot my entire final film..which is mostly stop motion..4 rolls of film..no actress yet
-and ship both of those out by monday
-shoot a performance art piece..no concept yet..its due monday
-redo the ending of our black and white abstract movie

sidenote:our portfolio review is may 4th so i have to fucking stay 4 days after im done anything..aka 4 days of absolutely nothing in an empty room waiting to have my asshole ripped out by all my teachers in a review of all of my years works

this is only for ONE CLASS! i have so much shit to make up in english its not even funny

-edit 3 page reaction paper
-edit 7 page booklet..which is regular paper length..so 7 pages single spaced writing..minimal pictures..fuck me

-come up with an installation art idea..not due til april 22nd but the proposals due wednesday

on top of all of this work..i also have to sit down and apply for fall classes and apply for housing by thursday

if this is only a blip into the more stressful years to come then omfg

finally!


:)

i don't know for how long this has been going on but i am realizing now that i've been void of any true emotion..i keep creating these situations on purpose to add some sort of conflict in my life for me to react to..but the reactions are fake..and i honestly don't care..even though maybe i should or maybe i shouldn't? idk i just feel disconnected from myself..maybe i'm depressed..no most likely..but i don't even know why..i just really don't feel like myself and that i've been putting on a front for awhile..all i've wanted to do today was cry

backbackback!

bye phillyyyyy. helllo syracuse :)

i go back to syracuseeee tomorrow. i am sosososososos excited!...although today and last night was probably the best part of my break just hanging out with theresa margaret and molly..i love that they are the only people..well including lisa..that i can come back after not seeing them for months and feel like i never elft..we had breakfast at bobs and just talkeddddd for a good 4 hours..it was much needed..i missed emmm..theres a party tonight but i have so much shit to do ugh..and now i'm realizing how stressful of a week this is going to be..whatever i was bored over break now ill be fully occupied..anyway i just did my other thing for financial aid..the CSS profile..and that was so ridiculous and i know i filled it out completely wrong..and paid 25$ just to have them tell me later on that i have to do it again because i have no one helping me figure out these dumb forms..and blahlalala i am sunburnt and dry and itchy and peeling and not feeling so cute at the moment..my mind is on like speed right now..what else did i want to say?

oh rightttt..went to dr. stein thursday..had my ass up on that awkward tilting table where my asshole is like adjacent to his eye socket..and its more awkward cause he tries to make jokes and im like no really my asshole is in your face right now jokes are unnecessary..but yeah anyway..surgery failed..i knew it did forever ago..but im having surgery may 11th (visit meeee) and mmm yummy this surgery he is going to horixontally cut open my taint? and score out the infected tissue and put fresh muscle over top and it will heal? okay if you ay so dr. stein but if not im for realz sueing your as..buttt after 6 weeks he said he can take the bag down which means ill have it off by mid june/beginning of july..which means half the summer ill be baglesssssssssss yesss..i also have to have my wisdom teeth out in may..yummy!

but anyways yeah

oh yeah i'm on the deans listttttttttttt :)

my spring breaks been pretttttty uneventful..i just want to see my theresa friday and saturday and go back to school..i honestly don't know how i'm going to deal this summer

i had a dream about jeremy last night and it felt entirely too real..we were just talking and he was building something..and right before i woke up he said "i'm doing good alicia." so that was him telling me he's okay wherever he is :)..god i miss that kid..it's almost been 2 years but still..he became such a good..at times miserable but i didnt hold it against him..friend of mine..he was my tie to my old hospital..everyone has to move on though..

okay..i've been home a week and now i wanna go back..it's so boring here..i've done all i planned on doing already..its oldddddddd news now

asked her out last night :) we've been ..ugh hate this word "talking" for literally a month to the day last night and i really don't plan on seeing other people nor do i want to and it's been like we were already a couple for the entire month so it was onlyyyyyy coming eventually..i wanted to wait til we were back in s'cuse sunday so i could in person but i just did it while we were video chatting..but yeah..this feels legit..not that little blip of a retarded week i had last month with alyssa..i really like kimberly and am not just trying to date her because of a disease similarity or similar likes and dislikes and vulgarity..which i've decided were the only reasons wanted something to do with alyssa..but yeah i'm saying too much..basically i'm happy :)

i'm homeeeeee and it feels so good to be fat and lazy! omg but as i already knew it would happen my plans are slowly changing changing changing lol

i boughtssss alot of underwear today? and cute dresses

i love how i just want to relax and do nothing but like every single day is "booked"

so i'm gonna jot it down so i like don't forget

tomorrow=rachel brian dave? and a party with lisa at night
saturday=fmills and movies with ryan and lis?
sunday=chillin withmy cousin and family
monday=gwen? dentist appointment
tuesday=cj
wednesday= gay clubbb with jess and royce
thursday= dr stein appointment and chillin with marie a little
friday-saturday= theresaaaaa :)
sunday= back to school and to my kimberlyyyy

in this period i also have to have my dad help me with my fafsa, do all my hw (trying to finish that tonight), move my stuff out of storage into my dads? (doubt thats happenining..i at least have to find a cheaper place),re-edit my self portrait and also make a performance art movie and alsoooo edit my studio concepts project possibly anddd foodshop/shop for other things

i haven't updated very good lately. so i'm on the bus to nyc to transfer to philly and it has wifi? new to me but i'm liking it. anyway i needed break so bad. school this semester is just loads of stress and partying. i'm fucking up all over the placei n my sound and image class. we got our film back and the entire roll was black when we presented it so my teacher wants us to redo it on top of our final film which is going to take up the rest of the semester. i am also really behind in my english class; i like haven't done or like actually tried to do anything in that class and everything is bsed and last minute..hopefully i get a b..the rest of my classes are going okay. but yeah

i love bus rides. i can just look at the scenery and think and it's so beautifully sunny out right now i wish my camera wasnt under the bus.

i'm falling in love with this girl already. yeah its been like a month but i fell in love with leigh within weeks so i definitely believe in it. why do you have to live in texas!??!?!?

i miss everyone back home and am getting excited to see everyone if i can fit people in between my stupid doctors appointments

i lost every tohught i wanted to put up. update later

and i am on my way home for almost 2 weeks. much needed.

but then i'll get back and realize how much work i have to do

i am in dire need of spring break. i gave up on focusing in class last week. but the majority of my break includes making up work and going to stupid doctor appointments.

so i haven't updated about my first bolex film project. it didn't expose at all except for the outside scenes so basically got a big F on that one. yayyyyy! she wants us to redo it on top of our final project. i think she is suchhhhh a comedian because the final project is going to take up all my time so she can just lose that idea that i'll be redoing the in camera edit.

anyway things are going good with me and kimberlyyyyyyy. :p

and yeahhhhhh

i fucked shit up ugh. once again.

GO MEEEEE

i'm writing a blogggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

i just re read my posts about the past 3 weeks..and i sound like a fucking douche bag

i'm fallin so hard already


fgdgfhfgh

it's at that point now. where i miss her so much when she leaves. and she only lives in a dorm a block away.

"As for today, I did freeze a bit during your critique, and meant to write you about it anyway. I thought the video was very well done, and held huge impact. I think it also caught the rest of the class off- guard as well. I thought, that if nothing else, this video helped show appropriate paranoia that many women feel daily. Also, If you would like more feedback I would be glad to give you some, but I think I should watch the vid again. Great work, I really see your voice in your pieces and see you having a unique power in the film world after school.

Best,

Katie"

they do like secret student evaluations in my classes and my favorite teacher Robyn..pulled me aside and told me all of the teachers ranked me one of the top 4 in our freshman film department :)

soooo it was valentines day yesterday,...and my day was whatev..i caught up on some sleep and cleaned..and then at around 8 me and 12 of my friends went to eat at olive garden...we had an hour wait once we got there but it was SO worth it omg!..so happy to not be eating dining hall food..and omg i got sooo much....it was cute ..it was a really good night..but now i have a headache and have sosososos much stuff to catch up on today

omg..so last night was the Drag Show Finals...and it was fucking AMAZING! and nick won :) hahaha britney spears oh god that boy..but the finale song..thi sgirl and guy did..and they sang "live your life" and like i can't explain it but i got completely and utterly overtaken by emotion..and she pulled out a gay flag and everyone stood up and was singing so live your life eeeehhhhhhh..and i looked around and like my eyes welled up..because i never felt so me in a place in my life..its hard to explain..but it was one of those moments in life i will probably never forget..and one of the best moments this year so far..

i have never felt sp fucking sick in my life!..i never get colds but whatever the hell this is it wont go away or get better at all..its been aweek and i still feel like death everytime i wake up..ugh!

so 2 weeks ago when the alyssa thing started..this girl kimberly came into the picture and told me she liked me and not alyssa..right? well i have this beautifulllll girl in my bed right now. she's completely into me. and althought i'm into her as well i don't know how to act anymore...like at all..maybe i'm less comfortable with my sexuality than i thought.


btw i found out that i was also used as an object to make kimberly jealous.

" i need time to myself and time to love myself before i can be with anyone"
"i'm still in love with erin"
"i need to change my slut ways"
"omg it's gonna be bad with this girl katie..were probably gonna end up fucking soon..innocence is so hot to me"
"idk why girls even like me i don't think im that hot"
"omg she just kissed me"


....

why..do..you..still..text..me..when..i..don't..fuckin..answer?


ALL that girl did was talk about the other girls she likes..and how shes a slut and how she eeds to change and how its weird that people think shes hot when she tries to make herself ugly..i had this conversation with her every day that i've known her..this week has been so retarded

yeah . so that lasted. i'm never talking to that girl again.

fucking drama. relationships aren't supposed to start out this way.

and last night was the first time my roommate came out with us...an hour into the party she's texting me like "shck! wlknig hme!" i was like "kristyn stop my phones about to die and i have the key" so i had to leave come to find her walking home barefoot through the ice and then passes out in front of our door. i had to get her into bed and stuff and all alyssa kept saying was "hurry up my friendsare going to leave me!" ...."um....right now i coluld care less..and thanks for showing compassion..fucking tool" i didn't really say that but i thought it but it made me look at her differently..i told her wile a drunken hot mess last night that i changed mymind and we should just stay in a relationship but now i'm not so sure.

fuck you!

so..we go out now :)..and i didn't even have to tell her..she knew ever since she touched it when tickling me..and she doesn't care :)

i don't know why the world load quadrupled this semester when i'm taking the same amount of credits/ same types of classes ish as last semester but i'm seriously like...i want to cry..i haven't slept in 4 days..i have shit to do from this second..(study for a quiz in 6 hours) until sunday night..and then the week and this shit starts all over..i need a break big time..i have to shoot and edit my self portrait movie this weekend..shoot a in camera edit with 16 mm film thing..with not a single idea yet..ship that shit out..do a bunch of busy work shit and papers..catch up on reading..laundry at some point..i just want to relax

i was complaining to my friend and she said "welcome to college" yeah.

i know it's like..so soon..it's been a few weeks..but last night she was like " so...i like us?"..i was like lets just give it a little more time ..i already know i'd say yes if she asked me out though..i like this girl alottt :)

i can't date her. i'm too insecure. yeah she has the whole crohns/uc thing in common. but she thinks my bowels are intact with the disease. how am i supposed to tell her about the bag? that'd freak anyone the fuck out. i can't date her. i'm too insecure. this sucks.

alyssa has fucking crohns disease. holy shit.

yeah. okay so being single has its drawbacks. it feels slutty and i was deemed the hottest lesbian at this party. i don't think i want that title or rep. i'mma not go out as much i think. yeah sounds like a plan.

okay so...alyssa told me she's "into me" now..and i'm assuming it's only because kim won't give her the time of day because she's nottttt gay..idk if i should be excited now or just not care lol..shes so sweet though..but has been talkin like shes lookin for a girlfriend..and i am so not ready to get back into anything like that yet..granted i'm over leigh..just i don't eve nwanna be taken right now.i'm enjoying being single..although valentines day is coming up and idk whats gonna happen with that..also i feel realllllly..really bad..so marie yeah..was hookin up with her before i came back to school..was diggin her like yeah but i'm over it and she totally wants me to be her girlfriend when i come back in the summer..ad still texts me all day with cute little things..ad the other night she's like "you go to gay bars and don't hookup with people" i as like " i don't go there intending to but shit happens" and she got upset..i am not in a commitment mindset..and i don't want to hurt anybody..because i know what its like and it sucks

..theres two lesbians sleepin in my bed lol so i'm awake ..tired..but awake..and thinking..

salty-
A word originating in Philadelphia generally meaning that you just got played, or are looking stupid, either because of something you did, or something that was done to you

Jawn-
a word used by people in philly, it can mean anything, like a fine girl, a blunt, really, it can be used for everything. it basically means "thing".


i try explaining these words to EVERYONE. I didn't realize that they are like only philly words?

okay the lesbians do like me :)

ugh this girl alyssa.who i think is such a sweetheart..likes this pretty much straight but hooks up with girls for attention type of chick named kim..kim was ALL UP ONS..i only wanted to dance with alyssa..so i like danced with em both..but kim kept pushing alyssa way off and stealing me to hookup with when allll i wanted to do was dance with alyssa..long story short..got to hookup with alyssa :) on top of other..drunken..blahblahblah..my gay bf jake? awks!

xbars like...my favorite placeeeee ever!!!! and idk why i'm up i went to bed at like 5

girls are so complicated. never thought i'd say that about my own gender.

why don't the lesbians like me?

i know i don't post very long updates..but like when i have something in my head ..i'lli sit down it disappears..so short and simples how it's been..but..anyway..a few things..the surgery i had over winter break has failed..and now over spring break/ in the beginning of the summer i have to have my vagina mutilated again..no ones gonna wanna fuck me now..so hawt!..but yeah.. i'm a little upset cause like..it was working for the past 2 months..until now..like wtf?..i'm SO so tired of having surgery..it's like handing my body over to the devil..i fucking hate surgeons..i feel like he does it wrong purposely over and over so it fails in a few months and he has to do it again so he can make more money on another surgery. It's been 4 1/2 years and I feel like i'm back at stage one. Seriously when will it end? In a year? 2 years ?When i'm like old and bitter? I have been put to sleep over a hundred times and i'm sure my bodies sick of it. I also don't want to have surgery at Hahnemann again. Coldest, most lonely and most miserable place i've ever been. Why the fuck did I ever wanna become a doctor? Oh yeah, to NOT fuck up my patients. I'm not bitching, though. I am just completely over this. Hospitals and blood and scopes i.v's and scalpels have become my life. I seriously wonder what i'd be like if it never happened. I think of it as something that had to happen for a reason but I wanna live my life now. Does that make sense?

anyway..so Syracuse is like negative 14 alllll the time..and it snows like a foot every single night. I've experienced enough snow to last me the rest of my life. I'm moving to Hawaii when I get older. I like it here, alot. Sucks IDK what I wanna do with my life or if SU even has the major I want. But for now i'm content. I'm happier this semester and making up for lost time. :) My classes are okay..the weeks go fast. I have a video sketchbook class on mondays..where we make a different type of movie every week..like mockumentary..short..silent..etc..tuesdays are english with a boring old dinosaur named Susan..SO boring..and then Colloquim 2..which i don't even know if thats a real word? and this class is sitting there talking about..blahblahblah art..and she expects us to be all perceptive and say deep things just because were artists and nothing else is supposed to be going on in our heads..hate this class..wanna see my teachers ass jiggle? www.dukeandbattersby.com...the video is called "being fucked up". My teachers fucking weird. anyway wednesday I have studio concepts with robyn..who i loveeeeee..and we make 4 diferent types of movies in this class, also. Thursday I had color photo but I dropped it cause it was gonna cost like 600$ and I have Film sound and image..where we work with the Bolex camera and film..making 4 in this class also but i'm really not feeling it..it'll be cool to learn I guess. an that's it.

I wish I had a best friend here. I feel like the "friends" I have are merely acquaintances and it gets lonely sometimes. Me and my roommate are close but shes clearly homophobic and doesn't let me touch her or go near here. She jokes but I see through it.

If I put myself on eharmony.com this is the description i'd give for someone i'm looking for:

"I want a girl who says cheesy things..brings me flowers..calls me stupidcorny nicknames that I secretly adore..bakes with me..likes to cuddle..watch the stars..sit by the river..plans cute little dates..makes up new kisses with me....someone who does things for me..cute things without me ever mentioning it before..surprises me..actually talks about their feelings..and expresses them to me..NOT via text..kisses me on the eyelids..and forehead..and is my height."

Weird? Although if a guy was like that i'd like it as well. But guys like that are generally gay.I am the worlds biggest cheeseball. But that's all I really want, really. I've been hooking up with..shall I say her name? M_ _I_..yeah sort of..and she tells me how much she likes me..but shes so not the girl for me..unless i'm just setting my standards too high? but like I like her too but know I could never be in any ort of relationship with her..like she wants..shes not mushy enough.she's this tough..well thinks she's tough ghetto south philly chick(not coming at south philly in any means)..i need to stray away from south philly for love interests though..it's the only place they've been. Brian, Leigh, Her.

I wish my parents would accept that I will be dating girls. I may marry a girl and have kids with a girl. But they won't and it saddens me that my dad said "If you marry a girl.. i won't be the one walking you down the aisle". Its 2009. We have a black president yet homophobia is still fucking around. I've met parents who are awesome about it so why do I get the toolbags? My moms a blatant douche bag about it and constantly has me in tears. She's and emotionless, pill popping, douchebag. And my dads just a douchebag. My aunts don't eem to care and my Aunt Leslie on christmas asked "Wheres Leigh?" I said we broke up..and she said "Aww"..AWW!...my Aunt said aww..but then she also said "So you haven't ruled out men completey right?" No. My hearts open to anyone. Girls rank higher on my scale of interest though.

Another thing going on right now..is I have a little creeper on my hands. Her name is Savanna. and before break she messaged me like blahblahblah you seem cool lets hangout. She's gay. and totally on my dick now. Why oh WHY did I give her my number? I knew she wasn't my tpe as soon as I accepted her friend request but was like whatev i could use some friends. Shes like 4"10' and stalks the shit out of my life. When I comment someone or their pictures or something on Facebook she goes reads it and talks to me about it later. EVERY TIME..she friended all my friends here. every. single. one. we met like the first wednesday i was back. And as soon as she left she said " i'm totally falling for you." and i'm like..we just met..i don't feel the same..AT all..and now whenever I see her she's checking me out..and her face is like eye level with my ass..and shes a creeper..and idk what to do.

So this is a big update.I had alot on my mind as I typed I guess..I feel like I have more to say? Oh well.

i fell in head over motherfucking heels love.

my love for hayley williams is tremendous. i don't crush on celebrities. ahhh!

anyway this thing will consume every waking hour of my life for the next 2 1/2 months

girllllllll i have such a crush on you. but you are so far! and it will never happen. why can't i get the idea out of my head already?

do you guys ever go to someones blog you know..but not too well..and creep on it for like an hour..delving into their life? i do.

i hate when people think i'm copying them.


um, no. don't flatter yourself.

oh, college. :)

yesterday consisted of...





got my nosey pierced :) i like the new addition i think it looks swell

andddd it also consisted of...





"back to school" at marathon! first party since being back..and if its at all indicative of how the rest of the semester is going to go..i'm vedy vedy exciteee

ugh.

i am going to be spending like everything ive been saving for a car this semester...fucking film class they eglect to inform you of all the expenses..i need like actual film this time..and that shits expensive..i have to pull 3 films a week out of my ass on top of other classes..i'm stressed.

first day of class for me minus having to skip yesterdays lol but ummm 12:30 i had english..and it was legit all juniors and seniors..i felt super awkward..stupid major making it so i have to take it this semester instead of later on like everyone else..but it was some old lady name "susan not sue" who was very dry but whatever and the topics kinda lame ..public education..last semesters interested me cause it was health and wellness but ya never know the topic til youre already enrolled..after that i had colloquim 2..my teacher won't be back for 2 weeks because she's speaking in canada? idk but it's like the same thing as last semester..notecards and vocab and blahblahblah..tomorrow i have 2 4 hour classes back to back..idk if i can do it i might have to drop color photography.both for money and just because i can't do 9 am- 5:30 straight through..we'll see how it is tomorrow though..after color photo i have film studio with the same teacher as last semester so it'll be just like last semester once again..and thats about it..then thursday i have english and then sound and image class but yeah..boring? i know.

i'm back at school.

missed my class today. it's fine though.

got pulled over for speeding on the way.

i'm finally unpacked, somehow i brought as much as i did when i first moved in.

AHHHHHHHHHH.

i'll update the rest of my break later..ack i start school again in 3 days! and i don't even know how i'm getting the hell back up there :/

In 2008 have you..

Got drunk? yes.
Got high? no
Done drugs? no
Had a girlfriend? uh huh
Passed out in public? yeah
Gotten into a fight? yup
Went to the hospital? yeah
Broken any bones? na
Played hard to get? lil bit probably..didn't work on my end lol
Asked someone out? tried..failed
Discovered a new band? a bunch yes
Been somewhere you've never been? mhm
Kissed someone? a few.
Hosted a party? yeps
Been to a party?of course
Met someone new? lotsss
Had any life altering experiences? indeed
Been envious of a friend? probably
Thought of killing someone? lol!
Gotten ridiculed? fo sho
Hid a secret from someone? mhm
Kept a secret? lil white lies
Told someone another person's secret?yeah...oops :X
Broken up with someone? eh... "you picked the pact over me!" fuckin retard
Got dumped? eh... "you picked the pact over me!" fuckin retard.
Drove a car?mhm
Almost lost your life? um...yeah
Tried to commit suicide? na
Witnessed a crime? maybe
Been in court? no
Met someone famous? mhm
Became embarassed to the point where you cried? yes
What was your biggest regret from 2008? her.
If you could take away one time from 2008? hmmm...toga party
If you could have excluded one person from 2008? leigh
What was your biggest mistake of 2008? leigh! and letting her go above my entire life..and fucking over my friends for her
What are your greatest memories? so so so so many...nyc even though it was the very end of 08..the summer..etc
In 2009 are you going to/planning on..

Falling in love? eh. i don't want love for awhile..but if it happens..lovely
Repairing an old relationship/friendship? friendships..yes
Meeting new people? yes
Doing something you've never done before?hopefully
Getting drunk? dur
Getting high? na
Having sex? maybe
Asking out someone? maybe
Commiting to a relationship? relationships smationships
Going to church? no lol
Having a party? yeah
Confessing to someone how you really feel about them? maybe
Cusing someone out? lol always
Being asked out? already have been haha
Becoming famous? def!..not
Making a first move? yeah
Changing who you are? i'm working on it..i'm starting with a wardrobe update..im still in hs with my clothes
Opening up to people more easily? def
Hanging out with a different crowd? poss..plus my own

In 2009...
who/what's going to be..
Your first kiss? lol
first hug? i think theresa was
Your first friend? idk
Your first make out? lol
Your first movie watched? umm idk
Your first scent breathed? wine
Your first complaint? ummmm
Your first clothes? idk
What would you want to accomplish? gain some weight..heal and have this bag removed..make alot more friends..decide a major/ schoo lfor next year..get a car..keep my grades up
Who do you want to spend that year with? my group
What do you want to get from this new year? idk

well...new yearssss...this week me theresa margaret molly and kathleen went to nyc and it was funlalaa..the first couple days we just chilled and walked around..then new years eve we went out to dinner and then got crunkalunk and went to this club.. ;).:) teehee crazy fun..the next day we chilled drank again and took a buncha pictures..yayy..ew i go back to school in a week..i heard its 3 feet of snow..i don't want it!..but i do want my stuff..my other friends..my room..space..internet..but
mostly my freedom and stuff back..and yeah..this weeks busybusy trying to hangout with everyone before i go back for 4 months straight with a lil break between