i just re read my posts about the past 3 weeks..and i sound like a fucking douche bag

i'm fallin so hard already


fgdgfhfgh

it's at that point now. where i miss her so much when she leaves. and she only lives in a dorm a block away.

"As for today, I did freeze a bit during your critique, and meant to write you about it anyway. I thought the video was very well done, and held huge impact. I think it also caught the rest of the class off- guard as well. I thought, that if nothing else, this video helped show appropriate paranoia that many women feel daily. Also, If you would like more feedback I would be glad to give you some, but I think I should watch the vid again. Great work, I really see your voice in your pieces and see you having a unique power in the film world after school.

Best,

Katie"

they do like secret student evaluations in my classes and my favorite teacher Robyn..pulled me aside and told me all of the teachers ranked me one of the top 4 in our freshman film department :)

soooo it was valentines day yesterday,...and my day was whatev..i caught up on some sleep and cleaned..and then at around 8 me and 12 of my friends went to eat at olive garden...we had an hour wait once we got there but it was SO worth it omg!..so happy to not be eating dining hall food..and omg i got sooo much....it was cute ..it was a really good night..but now i have a headache and have sosososos much stuff to catch up on today

omg..so last night was the Drag Show Finals...and it was fucking AMAZING! and nick won :) hahaha britney spears oh god that boy..but the finale song..thi sgirl and guy did..and they sang "live your life" and like i can't explain it but i got completely and utterly overtaken by emotion..and she pulled out a gay flag and everyone stood up and was singing so live your life eeeehhhhhhh..and i looked around and like my eyes welled up..because i never felt so me in a place in my life..its hard to explain..but it was one of those moments in life i will probably never forget..and one of the best moments this year so far..

i have never felt sp fucking sick in my life!..i never get colds but whatever the hell this is it wont go away or get better at all..its been aweek and i still feel like death everytime i wake up..ugh!

so 2 weeks ago when the alyssa thing started..this girl kimberly came into the picture and told me she liked me and not alyssa..right? well i have this beautifulllll girl in my bed right now. she's completely into me. and althought i'm into her as well i don't know how to act anymore...like at all..maybe i'm less comfortable with my sexuality than i thought.


btw i found out that i was also used as an object to make kimberly jealous.

" i need time to myself and time to love myself before i can be with anyone"
"i'm still in love with erin"
"i need to change my slut ways"
"omg it's gonna be bad with this girl katie..were probably gonna end up fucking soon..innocence is so hot to me"
"idk why girls even like me i don't think im that hot"
"omg she just kissed me"


....

why..do..you..still..text..me..when..i..don't..fuckin..answer?


ALL that girl did was talk about the other girls she likes..and how shes a slut and how she eeds to change and how its weird that people think shes hot when she tries to make herself ugly..i had this conversation with her every day that i've known her..this week has been so retarded

yeah . so that lasted. i'm never talking to that girl again.

fucking drama. relationships aren't supposed to start out this way.

and last night was the first time my roommate came out with us...an hour into the party she's texting me like "shck! wlknig hme!" i was like "kristyn stop my phones about to die and i have the key" so i had to leave come to find her walking home barefoot through the ice and then passes out in front of our door. i had to get her into bed and stuff and all alyssa kept saying was "hurry up my friendsare going to leave me!" ...."um....right now i coluld care less..and thanks for showing compassion..fucking tool" i didn't really say that but i thought it but it made me look at her differently..i told her wile a drunken hot mess last night that i changed mymind and we should just stay in a relationship but now i'm not so sure.

fuck you!

so..we go out now :)..and i didn't even have to tell her..she knew ever since she touched it when tickling me..and she doesn't care :)

i don't know why the world load quadrupled this semester when i'm taking the same amount of credits/ same types of classes ish as last semester but i'm seriously like...i want to cry..i haven't slept in 4 days..i have shit to do from this second..(study for a quiz in 6 hours) until sunday night..and then the week and this shit starts all over..i need a break big time..i have to shoot and edit my self portrait movie this weekend..shoot a in camera edit with 16 mm film thing..with not a single idea yet..ship that shit out..do a bunch of busy work shit and papers..catch up on reading..laundry at some point..i just want to relax

i was complaining to my friend and she said "welcome to college" yeah.

i know it's like..so soon..it's been a few weeks..but last night she was like " so...i like us?"..i was like lets just give it a little more time ..i already know i'd say yes if she asked me out though..i like this girl alottt :)

i can't date her. i'm too insecure. yeah she has the whole crohns/uc thing in common. but she thinks my bowels are intact with the disease. how am i supposed to tell her about the bag? that'd freak anyone the fuck out. i can't date her. i'm too insecure. this sucks.

alyssa has fucking crohns disease. holy shit.

yeah. okay so being single has its drawbacks. it feels slutty and i was deemed the hottest lesbian at this party. i don't think i want that title or rep. i'mma not go out as much i think. yeah sounds like a plan.