so i broke my computer..spilled nailpolish on it and decided it was okay to like clean it with a lottttttttttttt of nailpolish rmeover that seeped into my computer and when i woke up to turn it on the next day..it was broken..so had t oship it out to like osme place in new england and now i am computerless for two weeks..meanwhile i have like a billion film projects to edit and papers to write but whatevs i'm not even stressin..i do realize however how bored i am without it ..oh my life

10 days til one month :) lolz

i wish she was mushier..i guess its harder getting used to new people..i forget sometimes that the things i used to say won't receive the same reaction..its okay though.. cause shes still mineminemine :)

oh yeahhh..so we finished filming our final film todayyy..turned in our montage/soundscape thursday..my performance art and video smackdown things not due til next week now..and etcetc blahblahblahhh one month til schools over!.. 1 month and some cents til my surgery..2 months til she visits :) / my birthday andd yeahhhh

okay so thank god some of the stressful things of this week are over

-did the in camera edit/ shipped it out
-booklet is basically done
-figured out what e have to do for our soundscape ..just need to do it by thursday


everything that is the most stressful is so generously..not,..squeezed into this weekend
-final film
-performance art(should be easy when i get a concept)
-video smackdown? my teachers a dork..but basically i am making a movie and competing against someone in my class and being judged to see whose is better..the topic i pulled from the hat was "redo someone elses film" so idk whose i will do yet but should be interesting

okay instead of making a long list of to do's i need to calender-itize it?

today/tomorrow- somehow film the in camera edit..if not..film throughout week and ship out by wednesday
tomorrow-performance art maybe? even though she gave me an extra week
monday-work with my english group/ finish my english booklet/ work on the soundscape and montage
tuesday-work on the montage/ come up with installation art idea
wednesday-finialize english booklet/ practice presentation
thursday-sunday- final film stuff and ship out rush ordered by monday
following week- redo letter ending/performance art..if i don't do it this weekend


breathe.

i have never been more overwhelmed in my entire fucking life. i THOUGHT i was last semester but nope. so this weekend i have to

-take a lighting workshop since we fucked up our entire last in camera edit
-LUG 2 lightings kits from the art building to our dorms..that thought alone makes me want to cry
-:shoot a new in camera edit..indoors and outdoors...not a concept in sight yet
-shoot my entire final film..which is mostly stop motion..4 rolls of film..no actress yet
-and ship both of those out by monday
-shoot a performance art piece..no concept yet..its due monday
-redo the ending of our black and white abstract movie

sidenote:our portfolio review is may 4th so i have to fucking stay 4 days after im done anything..aka 4 days of absolutely nothing in an empty room waiting to have my asshole ripped out by all my teachers in a review of all of my years works

this is only for ONE CLASS! i have so much shit to make up in english its not even funny

-edit 3 page reaction paper
-edit 7 page booklet..which is regular paper length..so 7 pages single spaced writing..minimal pictures..fuck me

-come up with an installation art idea..not due til april 22nd but the proposals due wednesday

on top of all of this work..i also have to sit down and apply for fall classes and apply for housing by thursday

if this is only a blip into the more stressful years to come then omfg

finally!


:)

i don't know for how long this has been going on but i am realizing now that i've been void of any true emotion..i keep creating these situations on purpose to add some sort of conflict in my life for me to react to..but the reactions are fake..and i honestly don't care..even though maybe i should or maybe i shouldn't? idk i just feel disconnected from myself..maybe i'm depressed..no most likely..but i don't even know why..i just really don't feel like myself and that i've been putting on a front for awhile..all i've wanted to do today was cry

backbackback!

bye phillyyyyy. helllo syracuse :)

i go back to syracuseeee tomorrow. i am sosososososos excited!...although today and last night was probably the best part of my break just hanging out with theresa margaret and molly..i love that they are the only people..well including lisa..that i can come back after not seeing them for months and feel like i never elft..we had breakfast at bobs and just talkeddddd for a good 4 hours..it was much needed..i missed emmm..theres a party tonight but i have so much shit to do ugh..and now i'm realizing how stressful of a week this is going to be..whatever i was bored over break now ill be fully occupied..anyway i just did my other thing for financial aid..the CSS profile..and that was so ridiculous and i know i filled it out completely wrong..and paid 25$ just to have them tell me later on that i have to do it again because i have no one helping me figure out these dumb forms..and blahlalala i am sunburnt and dry and itchy and peeling and not feeling so cute at the moment..my mind is on like speed right now..what else did i want to say?

oh rightttt..went to dr. stein thursday..had my ass up on that awkward tilting table where my asshole is like adjacent to his eye socket..and its more awkward cause he tries to make jokes and im like no really my asshole is in your face right now jokes are unnecessary..but yeah anyway..surgery failed..i knew it did forever ago..but im having surgery may 11th (visit meeee) and mmm yummy this surgery he is going to horixontally cut open my taint? and score out the infected tissue and put fresh muscle over top and it will heal? okay if you ay so dr. stein but if not im for realz sueing your as..buttt after 6 weeks he said he can take the bag down which means ill have it off by mid june/beginning of july..which means half the summer ill be baglesssssssssss yesss..i also have to have my wisdom teeth out in may..yummy!

but anyways yeah

oh yeah i'm on the deans listttttttttttt :)

my spring breaks been pretttttty uneventful..i just want to see my theresa friday and saturday and go back to school..i honestly don't know how i'm going to deal this summer

i had a dream about jeremy last night and it felt entirely too real..we were just talking and he was building something..and right before i woke up he said "i'm doing good alicia." so that was him telling me he's okay wherever he is :)..god i miss that kid..it's almost been 2 years but still..he became such a good..at times miserable but i didnt hold it against him..friend of mine..he was my tie to my old hospital..everyone has to move on though..

okay..i've been home a week and now i wanna go back..it's so boring here..i've done all i planned on doing already..its oldddddddd news now

asked her out last night :) we've been ..ugh hate this word "talking" for literally a month to the day last night and i really don't plan on seeing other people nor do i want to and it's been like we were already a couple for the entire month so it was onlyyyyyy coming eventually..i wanted to wait til we were back in s'cuse sunday so i could in person but i just did it while we were video chatting..but yeah..this feels legit..not that little blip of a retarded week i had last month with alyssa..i really like kimberly and am not just trying to date her because of a disease similarity or similar likes and dislikes and vulgarity..which i've decided were the only reasons wanted something to do with alyssa..but yeah i'm saying too much..basically i'm happy :)

i'm homeeeeee and it feels so good to be fat and lazy! omg but as i already knew it would happen my plans are slowly changing changing changing lol

i boughtssss alot of underwear today? and cute dresses

i love how i just want to relax and do nothing but like every single day is "booked"

so i'm gonna jot it down so i like don't forget

tomorrow=rachel brian dave? and a party with lisa at night
saturday=fmills and movies with ryan and lis?
sunday=chillin withmy cousin and family
monday=gwen? dentist appointment
tuesday=cj
wednesday= gay clubbb with jess and royce
thursday= dr stein appointment and chillin with marie a little
friday-saturday= theresaaaaa :)
sunday= back to school and to my kimberlyyyy

in this period i also have to have my dad help me with my fafsa, do all my hw (trying to finish that tonight), move my stuff out of storage into my dads? (doubt thats happenining..i at least have to find a cheaper place),re-edit my self portrait and also make a performance art movie and alsoooo edit my studio concepts project possibly anddd foodshop/shop for other things

i haven't updated very good lately. so i'm on the bus to nyc to transfer to philly and it has wifi? new to me but i'm liking it. anyway i needed break so bad. school this semester is just loads of stress and partying. i'm fucking up all over the placei n my sound and image class. we got our film back and the entire roll was black when we presented it so my teacher wants us to redo it on top of our final film which is going to take up the rest of the semester. i am also really behind in my english class; i like haven't done or like actually tried to do anything in that class and everything is bsed and last minute..hopefully i get a b..the rest of my classes are going okay. but yeah

i love bus rides. i can just look at the scenery and think and it's so beautifully sunny out right now i wish my camera wasnt under the bus.

i'm falling in love with this girl already. yeah its been like a month but i fell in love with leigh within weeks so i definitely believe in it. why do you have to live in texas!??!?!?

i miss everyone back home and am getting excited to see everyone if i can fit people in between my stupid doctors appointments

i lost every tohught i wanted to put up. update later

and i am on my way home for almost 2 weeks. much needed.

but then i'll get back and realize how much work i have to do

i am in dire need of spring break. i gave up on focusing in class last week. but the majority of my break includes making up work and going to stupid doctor appointments.

so i haven't updated about my first bolex film project. it didn't expose at all except for the outside scenes so basically got a big F on that one. yayyyyy! she wants us to redo it on top of our final project. i think she is suchhhhh a comedian because the final project is going to take up all my time so she can just lose that idea that i'll be redoing the in camera edit.

anyway things are going good with me and kimberlyyyyyyy. :p

and yeahhhhhh

i fucked shit up ugh. once again.

GO MEEEEE

i'm writing a blogggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg