first weekend parties :pretty fun actually
classes start today and I am relatively excited i'd say.
i forgot a box of shit at my dads including : my detergent/sewing kit/ other random things/ and all my lamps :(..gotta get em in october i guess.

not a good second night at school. i wish i could redo that one moment.

Completely unpacked and stuff..last night i went to dinner for a friends birthday at pastabilities..and it was realllllly good..after wards i stopped off to see my friend holly and ex roommate kristyn and realized how much i actually missed everybody. Picked up the stuff kristyn was holding and then went to a party in the "butt house" for her birthday/catching up and I hada pretty good time. This year is starting off pretty well.




ps this is what kimberly got me for my 6 months :)

i'm here.
3/4 of the way moved in.
next o kimberly.
excited for the year.

leaving for school now.
didn't get to say goodbye to my dad because he went to work.
my brother wouldn't wake up to say goodbye.
maybe my grandparents will actually care that i'm leaving again.

7 hours ill be on the road

i go back to school tomorrow...in exactly 24 hours i will be back on campus...now that it's here..and i've wanted to go back for this entire month..idk..where did this summer go? i didn't see everyone here NEARLY enough..and i'm sad to go..but i am ready for a new year full of exciting experiences and hoping this year will top the last..and if it does then i am going to have an amazing year.

i don't hold grudges very long..it's just not my personality. I haven't talked to my dad in over a week. And I got really sad today. Because I am really going to miss him and will probably leave uncer the same-non speaking- conditions.

so the next 3 days are overwhelmingly packed..i shouldn't have waited til the last minute for most of it

tomorrow(sunday)
-get up early..get boxes..start packing stuff to put in storage
-bbq at my grandmoms at 230
-get my oil changed/tuneup
-mom dye my hair
-whitey's party if i can make it

monday
-pack all of stuff to put in storage
-put it in storage
-get ink..other random school items..and order prints to put in my room
-picnic/tan with jessie in the afternoon after dropping off stuff to storage
-pack stuff i'm taking with
-go up theresa's..last sleepover/last night to see all the girls

tuesday
-breakfast with the girls in the morning
-dinner with lisa
-clean and wash my car
-pack everything else/ pack up my car
-wash laundry/comforter and sheets
-do anything else that has to be done before i leave/see anyone else


phew.

4

Syracuse- 5 days. Can't wait. Freedom. 'Cuse friends. No family. Xbar. Class. most of all Mine<3

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

So starting September 1st I am going to begin something I wanna call the Sky Project. I am going to photograph the sky twice a day for 365 days. I am just curious to understand the skies differences throughout an entire year.

Today I had my like last surgeon followup..and he said the hole is so shallow now that it doesn't need packing anymore. Thank god perfect timing for school. He said it will close on it's own and Oct 2nd I go in for a scope/dye test and to schedule the takedown..if everything looks good during those tests..which I am certain it will.

Syracuse-7 1/4 days

when i leave for school this year i won't be coming back to see anyone in my family except my grandparents..aunts/uncle and cousins

fuck you mom
fuck you dad
fuck you lis
and fuck anyone else who sits there and makes me feel like shit for being myself
i am so much bigger than all of you fuckfaces

as lame as this summer was i managed to do alot..but for some reason i was still at home 80% of the time?

- had surgery in may..plus recovery took all of may
-my babygirl came to visit in june :) :p and we went to nyc and saw a broadwayyy
-ummm what did i do in june besides that? idk lol
-visited mine in texas..had probably the most amazing week of my summer there
-had my wisdom teeth out
-got my car!
-went down the shore with the fam
-a few clubs..a few random get togethers with friends..not bad?

ohhh and i decided finally the tattoo i want to get on my hip bone when i get the bag off !



i've been really into this thing i found called zibu..it's the angelic language of symbols and the symbol i want to get is the symbol for optimal health and wellbeing..and it's said that the symbol will draw the power of healing into you..so i think it is only appropriate after the past 5 years of shit i've been through..not to mention i think it's really pretty :)

wow...

So every day my dad goes into the bathroom..minimum of 25 times..noone shits that much..and me and my brother aren't fucking 5 and retarded. so today..after awaiting my turn for the bathroom..i enter..smelling the usual..burnt plastic with a hint of air freshener. After he leaves I text him and this is how the conversation proceeds...

Me-" You must think we're stupid, dad."
Dad-" If I want your opinion i'll ask for it! When you start paying rent then you can have an opinion. Until then, SHUT UP!"
(I was quite flabbergasted at such a reaction btw)
Me-" Go get help."
Dad-"You go get help! I consider lesbianism a mental illness!"
Me-" You asked me in the car before how proud i'd feel to have a gay dad. One who "takes it in the ass and swallows cum." But how proud do you think I am to have a crackhead dad instead?"
Dad-" I aint proud of you at all youre a degenerate having sex with girls."

goals for this year

-become a littlelot more outgoing
-make at least 10 new friends..good friends
-maintain at least a 3.5
-figure out what the hell i really want to major in
-look into internships/studying abroad fall or spring of junior year

school 12 days.

Lisa :just go back out with dudes cuz i dont take you seriously when i see you with girls. your a joke its embarrassing that my family has to ask me if u go out with girls
Alicia Aiello :na im good
Alicia Aiello :and i dont give a fuck if your embarrassed
Lisa :no one likes it not even ur fam..get over ur fase and be normal. its embarrasing


HAHAHAHAHAHA.

my godfather died today.

4:15.

so numb.

and i didn't even get to say goodbye and thank him for all his support ,love,visits, and prayers when i was sick.

you are where you belong now :)
r.i.p.

i had to redo my schedule..and my monday night class is still pending so thats why it's red..because there are two that run into each other..one is an addiction class which sounds really interesting and its only once a week..and one is a studio class like i've been taking all last year..but i always love my studio classes so much and with my major change i don't really wanna give them up..but i could always take it next semester..we'll see..there is also one class that gets manually added by the dean on the 30th so thats why it's not there..its my communication intro class..i have it mondays and wednesdays 2:15-3:35..so squish it into my schedule and you'll see...and there is a lecture for it thursdays 3:30-4:50 so basically monday is my busiest with 4 classes that day and only 2 on all the other days..and wednesday..thursday..and friday are chillinnnnnnnnnnn..i like the classes i have though..i still have good girls sluts and dykes..which is a women's study sort of class..psych intro which i need to take all the other fun looking psych classes..a class on abuse and violence..my com class..the studio/or addictions class and a class studying sociology in lgbt..all of my classes are basically a study on people..hmm what major can you build with that?..fullll schedule..i hope i do not die

i def thought i made the deans list this semester..but im definitely salty...3.3...
idk how a's and b's can make it 3.3 but first semester a's b's and a c' made it 3.47. oh well.

i know everyones opinion and i know what everyone thinks i should do but i'm a believer in second chances and third strike outs.

you give your entire heart..and your everything to someone and it is STILL not enough and they STILL don't appreciate it.

and it kind of feels like i'm suffocating in my own thoughts.
and now my angry and tough wall is breaking down and i'm just sad and lonely.
and i just need to eat and breathe and keep myself busy. although its not working.

and for once i did what's best for me.

let go.

this doesn't make me feel comfortable..at all.
and i don't want to "box her in"
but this doesn't make me feel happy.
and i feel like..bleh.

and since it's not okay to talk about what i think to you i will talk to myself here.

are you trying to build a friendship with him to eventually get back with him?
why be friends with a kid you "wanted nothing to do with" before?
and who treated you like shit?
why does my opinion not matter enough anymore?
how many times do i have to cry for you to understand how much stuff like this hurts?
what am i doing wrong?
and why do you freak out every time i just simply ask for reassurance? sorry that i need alot of it..its just hard to be so easy going about something that makes your heart stop.

you put us in this box..and now when i'm happy here you tell me you don't really wanna be boxed in with me anymore.

i am so a jumble of emotions..i don't think i could cry anymore this week.
i hate the feeling of feeling like i mean the world to feeling very insignificant.
and i hope this feeling goes away soon and i hope that you realize how much i mean to you when we are face to face again.
because until then i don't know if you will realize it. i am hoping that everything will fall into place. i also hope (hope hope hope obama?! jk lol) that if i ease up and don't latch on as tightly and do my own thing as well that you won't lose interest in me. and you can't force fate obviously..but i do know what i felt with you when i was with you. and theres picture proof that you felt it too. god how gay can i get ..really? lol

i just hope that i am overreacting.


because i know how happy i was here...




and i wanna feel like i'm this girls everything again.

i am not freaking out...or getting upset ..i am taking it as it comes.
i believe the things she says. i believe that she only wants friendship. i argued that way in the beginning with the people i blocked. but its been so long so why now?

i am crazy in love. and i just want to know its mutual and i am not driving myself crazy. i want to know that if i keep going through the motions and calming down and accepting things..that it will be worth it and that she does love me as much as she says.
love is so blinding.

she wants to be friends with her ex.

she thinks it was wrong that way back in the beginning we had to block people from our lives.

and i am free to do what i want?

i don't know how to take it. good or bad. probably good because my friends were always so confused as to why i had to block anyone if i was committed and devoted.

so it's good?

idk.

bad conversation to have on your period..thats for sure.

I can't wait to be surrounded by so many people again soon. No time to feel lonely. This summer has made me realize how many friends i've lost touch with since college and how many friendships I feel like i'm struggling to hold onto. Sorry. My vagina is gushing blood and I am having a very depressed day.