the rest of my photography pictures..

losing you is living in a world with no air

i don't WANT to be with anyone else and i can't picture myself with anyone else and i feel like it is an obsessive relationship..i honestly feel like i'd fall to the floor and die if we really broke up i really do..i can't fuckin take it

photography class

is by far my favorite even though its a lot harder than what i thought..heres a couple prints i did so far :)..even though the teacher said the pictures were good but the prints were bad i'm happy with em

I'm a baby? I am? yeah I am but so are you...you cry just as much as I do about everything! do you know how many times i've wanted to call you a baby? but i hold my tongue so well because half of what i want to spit out in the moment is hurtful and not true yet you let it fly and make me feel like more and more shit..it makes me sick to my stomach...you treated me like COMPLETE shit last night ..i cant believe you talked to me like that when i was so fucking vulnerable crying my heart out just wanting you to stop shutup and hold me..yeah make your girlfriend resent you because you ripped her to shreds and didnt even say sorry..i feel horrible about myself because of you now when your supposed to make me feel the best just because i wanted you all to myself for one little weekend..i probably wont be back for awhile ..my time there wasn't to make friends even though i'd like to get to know your friends it was to spend every little piece of time i could with my baby before another month goes by and i only see you for one little weekend..i've also told you a hundred times before how antisocial and how bad of social anxiety i have and yeah i eventually have to grow up and branch out but i know that already so dont spit in my face because of it. And i know sometimes i "can't be wrong" and i know i am wrong sometimes but suddenly your never ever wrong anymore. I feel like you spit on me and ripped my heart out again and as if your holding something high over my head like "if you act like this again im serious its over" dont do that to me or put me in that position where i feel like i cant make a move or itll be over..you're probably reading this getting more and more pissed but i have feelings too and i needed to get this out..and i dont always act like the victim..and baby i know you dont love me as much as at first anymore and i know it but dont push me around ever again like you did last night ever!..i wanted so bad to say this all yesterday but it just wasnt ending and i didnt want the whole night horrible..and i also cant verbalize anything so here it is out in the open ...you can argue or belittle me more or whatever you wanna do but im over acting like its okay and being the person that has to hurry and fix person that has to hurry and fix it or youll just keep tearing me up..i've never felt so humiliated and lifeless as i do now..and ive never cried so hard in my entire life as i did last night..i felt fucking pathetic but you reached down so far and tore me open...i just want so bad to be held and loved and yeah here comes the "victim" part..i don't have a functional family..i'm not called everyday..i dont have a house or bed room to go home to and this has been my whole entire life..yeah im still affected by this ...yeah i have issues and i probably need therapy but you do too..im allowed to cry if i want to and be depressed if i want to..and instead of you yelling in my face as im crying i want you to hold me and support me if im sad...this isnt to sound nasty or come at you or anything its just been pent up for so much and i want you to know how im feeling..i love you with every single little piece of me baby i really really really truly do

im not even sure anymore if i ended it if you would try to win me back :/ i dont think you would at all

blah

i miss capa.
i just miss everyone.

?

why don't any of you update anymore?

omg

a freshman on the 4th floor of my hall..committed suicide last night :/

i woke up to a swarm of cops and stuff this morning and just found out now what happened

i knew him too :(

haha

i think its funny that in college now everyone complains about 8 am classes..didnt we just do this for 4 years in highschool everyone?

yup

well since you think i post differently here for some reason trying to hide something imma put the same things in my xanga?

i feel like..scared to say anything to you now..like if i do one thing wrong you're going to break up with me..i don't like feeling like that..like a cowering dog..i don't like feeling like i can't even talk to my girlfriend without her freaking out..or misinterpreting it..i dunno..i just feel so weird now..and don't read this and freak out like you will..i need you..and i want it to be normal

:/

i feel like i'm slowly but steadily losing her


:/ :( :'(

lololololol

losers

shit

everyone up here is too conservative or lame man..like i can't be myself at all (talkin about shit, burping, farting, etc) or they get so weird..and i can't lose the .05 friends i made or i'll be so lonely up here so whatever..can't wait til i make friends with a little bit of personality

my relationships on the rocks?

and i feel myself getting fat..my legs are starting to rub together when i walk which wsa like never..and its so ewwy..it's like i can't get around not gaining weight..the food around here is so sloppy and greasy and fattening..and it's either i starve or gain weight..blah..

i'm mad depressed again

blah

conversations aren't very stimulating here at all

i miss talkin to margaret and theresa and molly!!!