i know i don't post very long updates..but like when i have something in my head ..i'lli sit down it disappears..so short and simples how it's been..but..anyway..a few things..the surgery i had over winter break has failed..and now over spring break/ in the beginning of the summer i have to have my vagina mutilated again..no ones gonna wanna fuck me now..so hawt!..but yeah.. i'm a little upset cause like..it was working for the past 2 months..until now..like wtf?..i'm SO so tired of having surgery..it's like handing my body over to the devil..i fucking hate surgeons..i feel like he does it wrong purposely over and over so it fails in a few months and he has to do it again so he can make more money on another surgery. It's been 4 1/2 years and I feel like i'm back at stage one. Seriously when will it end? In a year? 2 years ?When i'm like old and bitter? I have been put to sleep over a hundred times and i'm sure my bodies sick of it. I also don't want to have surgery at Hahnemann again. Coldest, most lonely and most miserable place i've ever been. Why the fuck did I ever wanna become a doctor? Oh yeah, to NOT fuck up my patients. I'm not bitching, though. I am just completely over this. Hospitals and blood and scopes i.v's and scalpels have become my life. I seriously wonder what i'd be like if it never happened. I think of it as something that had to happen for a reason but I wanna live my life now. Does that make sense?

anyway..so Syracuse is like negative 14 alllll the time..and it snows like a foot every single night. I've experienced enough snow to last me the rest of my life. I'm moving to Hawaii when I get older. I like it here, alot. Sucks IDK what I wanna do with my life or if SU even has the major I want. But for now i'm content. I'm happier this semester and making up for lost time. :) My classes are okay..the weeks go fast. I have a video sketchbook class on mondays..where we make a different type of movie every week..like mockumentary..short..silent..etc..tuesdays are english with a boring old dinosaur named Susan..SO boring..and then Colloquim 2..which i don't even know if thats a real word? and this class is sitting there talking about..blahblahblah art..and she expects us to be all perceptive and say deep things just because were artists and nothing else is supposed to be going on in our heads..hate this class..wanna see my teachers ass jiggle? www.dukeandbattersby.com...the video is called "being fucked up". My teachers fucking weird. anyway wednesday I have studio concepts with robyn..who i loveeeeee..and we make 4 diferent types of movies in this class, also. Thursday I had color photo but I dropped it cause it was gonna cost like 600$ and I have Film sound and image..where we work with the Bolex camera and film..making 4 in this class also but i'm really not feeling it..it'll be cool to learn I guess. an that's it.

I wish I had a best friend here. I feel like the "friends" I have are merely acquaintances and it gets lonely sometimes. Me and my roommate are close but shes clearly homophobic and doesn't let me touch her or go near here. She jokes but I see through it.

If I put myself on eharmony.com this is the description i'd give for someone i'm looking for:

"I want a girl who says cheesy things..brings me flowers..calls me stupidcorny nicknames that I secretly adore..bakes with me..likes to cuddle..watch the stars..sit by the river..plans cute little dates..makes up new kisses with me....someone who does things for me..cute things without me ever mentioning it before..surprises me..actually talks about their feelings..and expresses them to me..NOT via text..kisses me on the eyelids..and forehead..and is my height."

Weird? Although if a guy was like that i'd like it as well. But guys like that are generally gay.I am the worlds biggest cheeseball. But that's all I really want, really. I've been hooking up with..shall I say her name? M_ _I_..yeah sort of..and she tells me how much she likes me..but shes so not the girl for me..unless i'm just setting my standards too high? but like I like her too but know I could never be in any ort of relationship with her..like she wants..shes not mushy enough.she's this tough..well thinks she's tough ghetto south philly chick(not coming at south philly in any means)..i need to stray away from south philly for love interests though..it's the only place they've been. Brian, Leigh, Her.

I wish my parents would accept that I will be dating girls. I may marry a girl and have kids with a girl. But they won't and it saddens me that my dad said "If you marry a girl.. i won't be the one walking you down the aisle". Its 2009. We have a black president yet homophobia is still fucking around. I've met parents who are awesome about it so why do I get the toolbags? My moms a blatant douche bag about it and constantly has me in tears. She's and emotionless, pill popping, douchebag. And my dads just a douchebag. My aunts don't eem to care and my Aunt Leslie on christmas asked "Wheres Leigh?" I said we broke up..and she said "Aww"..AWW!...my Aunt said aww..but then she also said "So you haven't ruled out men completey right?" No. My hearts open to anyone. Girls rank higher on my scale of interest though.

Another thing going on right now..is I have a little creeper on my hands. Her name is Savanna. and before break she messaged me like blahblahblah you seem cool lets hangout. She's gay. and totally on my dick now. Why oh WHY did I give her my number? I knew she wasn't my tpe as soon as I accepted her friend request but was like whatev i could use some friends. Shes like 4"10' and stalks the shit out of my life. When I comment someone or their pictures or something on Facebook she goes reads it and talks to me about it later. EVERY TIME..she friended all my friends here. every. single. one. we met like the first wednesday i was back. And as soon as she left she said " i'm totally falling for you." and i'm like..we just met..i don't feel the same..AT all..and now whenever I see her she's checking me out..and her face is like eye level with my ass..and shes a creeper..and idk what to do.

So this is a big update.I had alot on my mind as I typed I guess..I feel like I have more to say? Oh well.